So much to write

Some experiences are so vivid and real.

Forever encapsulating.

So deep. So meaningful.

Like words spilling to a page.

Yeah, I’ll put the pen down.

It was meant to stay in my head.

Advertisements

When exhaustion is all you have

My eyes are mini anchors 

My thoughts are dark and lost

I’m so tired:

  • Tired of saying goodbye
  • Tired of watching the pain
  • Tired of the tears falling all around me
  • Tired of being tired

As death becomes more imminent 

I know it is time to let go 

A quick story before bed

I open my wordpress app
As the covers inch closer to my neck
This is my time…
To escape … to relate… to share…
My favorite bloggers, writers, poets
Sharing their joy, pain, curiosity…
Outlooks, perspectives, and introspections

Damn this is beautiful.

Then as I close my eyes
To enter a new world of dreams
I say to myself
One more story

I’m ways Ted 

As a moderate drinker I sometimes find myself overindulging on occasion. This would be an understatement to describe last night. No, last night can be described as a massive black hole that swallowed up all the (hopefully) fun memories of the evenings adventures. 

Instead, I found myself waking up in an ER hospital bed with an IV of fluids coursing through my veins and two of my closest people waiting for me to finally wake up. The hospital staff was incredibly friendly and considerate so my stay was pleasant. More importantly, it was short. 

Although, this is not why I write this post. I write because of the analysis of a question currently going on inside my head: Should I eliminate alcohol from my life once and for all?

You see, I believe the answer to be an easy yes. Yet, the answer is never an easy, simple yes or no. The process of a lifestyle change takes time, consideration, and effort. 

This is my first step of many. 

Let’s take a walk as far as possible…

the way I am

I hate myself

I still love her
She is my beautiful gorgeous girl
The one that captures my heart
The one that is the world to me
Why must I love you?
After everything that you did?
After all of the pain?
I want to be free 
I want to roam the world
No worries, no hardships, no troubles
You are my life 
You are my everything 
You are the reason 
Yet, I have no escape 
I am trapped, tortured, plagued 
By my loving memories

When it comes together

My new job has been keeping me quite busy. It is as if I’m at my first day of school with my new shiny backpack, packed lunch, and awesome new clothes. Except now, I get paid much more to do it while somehow managing to keep my consistent, broke-as-fuck life experience. Yet, I’m happy and enjoying this new gig. For now, that is more then enough. 

I suppose it is time for bed and to rest my weary eyes. I shall leave you off with a question that I have been pondering for a bit, “What are you greatful for?”

 

Interview Nightmare

Let today be the day… That I get a job, start making money, exclaim that I made it! 

No, I am afraid. My hope is slowly dwindling as my aspirations disappear with each dollar spent from my bank account. Do I even know what I want?

Why is it so hard to get job? Why didn’t I save more $ for these rainy days? Most importantly, why did I fail to create an impressive portfolio before I graduated college?

These questions battle my mind tonight as my self doubt augments out of control. May this be a laughing moment in six months time just as graduating college was three years ago. 

Ahh, that tough time in history brings a smile to my face and a little hope for my current future. 

A Moment Alone

IMG_2913

I went for a short walk earlier today. I wanted to clear my mind of the million of images and conversations that fluttered around in that deep abyss. While the panoramic did not cease to play in this stubborn head of mine, I do believe some clarity was found.

The small things always appear to have the biggest impact.

Movie Appearance: American Sniper

Autobiography

It has been awhile since I read a book. Beyond that, it has been even longer since I have read a book BEFORE going to the film. Ahh, yes, I agree that is shameful. This time, I did both of these things before attending the exhilarating, heart-wrenching, and captivating American Sniper film directed by Clint Eastwood.

American Sniper student movie ticket

And by golly, I am quite glad that I read the autobiography before getting into my salty, buttery, uncontrollable popcorn eating state with eyes glued to the screen in front of me. I noticed, perceived, and understood minor film scenes and points that would have otherwise gone wholeheartedly unnoticed. Take, for instance, the moment where tridents are being pounded into the casket. Chris Kyle, our lethal “Legend” sniper makes a point to qualify the importance of this act – otherwise only lightly implied in the movie. Also, the book does a much better job in capturing the views, attitudes, and changes developed by Kyle as each tour came along. In all honesty, I could make a list longer than the tallest building in the world on why the autobiography read is a must-read.

So, do yourself a favor… read the autobiography and watch the movie. You will be happy you did. I know I was.