today is the next day

Simplicity – that is all I ask for.  To have my mind forget the misunderstood things in life and to become warped in a sea of forward monumental greatness.  So, what holds me back?

Not truly sure.  All in all, I have everything I need.  A few good friends, a few crazy nights, and a strawberry-banana smoothie.  In all honesty, what more can a guy ask for?  Oh, now I recall the train stopping me in my tracks.  A person.  A beautiful girl that is heavy and tough on the heart.  She reminds me of the good.  Unfortunately, she also reminds me of the bad.   Unrelenting to the heart, she encountered words in our past with expansive meaning and somehow managed to abuse them.  “Love,” “I need you,” and “let’s get married someday” illustrated in deep detail only to be forgotten over a weekend.  Worst, to leave behind everything I presumed that we had for a different guy.  Gosh, reflecting on this situation provides a hurt that resides deep down in my inner core.

I expect and know that those sayings never did hold meaning to her.  At least, in regards to me.  Yet, when somebody repeats those phrases enough times you grasp onto the hidden feeling uttered in each breath.  Those words meant something to me.

On random days and at random times, I will find a certain analysis being performed in my head.  Examining, calculating, and factoring in the different memories and ideals I held for and with her.

And I find it weird to understand the path that needs to be taken.  To let go of what cannot be.  To let her go.  So, why I ask is this so damn hard?

Today, I read a great reflection titled sonder from Natalie.  An intricate, beautiful writer, Natalie can provoke my inner thoughts.  In fact, that is what elicited this short post today.

Although, I hope this is the last post on this topic.  The constant wrestling of mind, heart, and body requires a long somber rest.  If you, my reader, find yourself in the same shoes – Let me be the first to say that you deserve peace to.  Never forget that.  Never forget – One day stronger.

 

J

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2 thoughts on “today is the next day

  1. beautiful, and very moving. it still hurts and is still something you hold onto, because it meant so much. i think that’s okay – recognise it, accept it, and let it float back into the past.

    and thank you for your kind words, they are so very appreciated!

    • Thanks – I will do my best 🙂

      And no need for the thank you. Writing is tough. You earned that comment through your hard work and experiences seen in each one of your posts.

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